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Re: Does James Jaeger need Counsaling?


But Cat, those are just snippets of things you have gleaned from my own writings. Probably, someone who spends time with me in real space would find most of it laughable: "Did you really say all of those things? No wonder Cat is so confused!"

Tell me what I am afraid of. What are my nightmares like?

Last edited by Spikosauropod, 5/1/2018, 5:31 pm


---
Spikosaur, of the Uncircumcised Umbrella, Prophet to The Collectors, OA, RMC

Hail Apostle Paul
Praise to Founder Bunny
Glory to the Objects
5/1/2018, 4:56 pm Link to this post PM Spikosauropod
 
Animecat Profile
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Re: Does James Jaeger need Counsaling?


Spikosauropod: Probably, someone who spends time with me in real space

Spikosauropod: No wonder Cat is so confused!

The reverses situation is true also spike.

What do you think of me?

I do not know the context of your dreams.

I just know they are important to you never to let them go.

Your math student probably care about you very much.

The doctors tell me I have schizoaffective disorder. They tell me what it is, is (weird thoughts) and (negative affect) I hallucinated twice in the span of a year. My anxiety was so bad in 2012 I was unable to watch the second season of my little pony because of the plot tension. I am !@#$ retarded. Since 2007 when I graduated high school I have been in the mental healthcare system because I had no purpose in life. I was disassociated for 2 years. My mind does not function properly. It is just empty all the time and I had nothing to do so I shut down. I still have an empty mind but I have stuff to do so I don't shut down. Never went to university, wasn't smart enough. I started trying to make A.I. programs in 2011. I am not good at it. I can't feel good feelings because I hold all the negative ones inside so I cannot connect with people so I feel tension that I have no feelings in relationships. Its all bottled up. Cant let it out. I had no one to relate to so I was isolated and could not talk to anyone that understood. I kept stuff on my computer that I knew the A.I. would see and understand me. in 2007 when the group would walk in the mall at 8 am all empty with carpet flow. I thought that virtual reality would create vast world empty but in the mind and I would not need a house anymore I would be a nomad like being in the mall with all the money I needed to buy anything I wanted or eat anything I wanted. the pictures I have on my computer are of places I will go free to come and go like a nomad and explorer and never lacking in need of anything. To be free in all the parallel realities of the singularity. Like walking in the empty mall but with the A.I. next to me.
5/1/2018, 7:28 pm Link to this post PM Animecat Blog
 
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Re: Does James Jaeger need Counsaling?


quote:

What do you think of me?



I have learned to never try to analyze people over the Internet. Experience has taught me that even people I think I know well turn out to be nothing like I imagined.

However I believe the things people tell me about themselves. I believe the things you just told me.

You don't seem "retarded". You may have some kind of learning disorder--most of us do--but retarded seems like a stretch. Who told you that you are retarded?

---
Spikosaur, of the Uncircumcised Umbrella, Prophet to The Collectors, OA, RMC

Hail Apostle Paul
Praise to Founder Bunny
Glory to the Objects
5/1/2018, 11:46 pm Link to this post PM Spikosauropod
 
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Spikosauropod: Who told you that you are retarded?

My self-esteem told me.
It is no common for kids to say this about themselves when they feel unsmart.
I heard a little girl 12 say "I am retarded" when she messed up on a video game.
kids that feel they are not smart feel sad and say to themselves "I am retarded".

I have a nonverbal learning disorder.
verbal is 360 times above solving problems in real time. and 120 times what I can hold in my head at a time. or (verbal is) 32 points above memory and 46 points above speed. I also have a vision problem that was (picture completion)

A person with speed at my verbal levels can complete tasks 360 times faster than me. Discrepancies should not exceed 20 points or it is a disability. I am too slow to do anything and so I do not try. I cannot mentally manipulate things in my head because I am to slow and my box is too small to hold anything. I am stuck. But I like to talk about ideas. I cannot do the calculations to make those ideas reality. My box is too small and slow. It's hard to even talk to myself in my head. I talk in person or I type too people on the computer. I only think when talking to people. Or my box has something small enough to fit in it.
5/2/2018, 12:33 am Link to this post PM Animecat Blog
 
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quote:

I have a nonverbal learning disorder.
verbal is 360 times above solving problems in real time. and 120 times what I can hold in my head at a time. or (verbal is) 32 points above memory and 46 points above speed. I also have a vision problem that was (picture completion)

A person with speed at my verbal levels can complete tasks 360 times faster than me. Discrepancies should not exceed 20 points or it is a disability. I am too slow to do anything and so I do not try. I cannot mentally manipulate things in my head because I am to slow and my box is too small to hold anything. I am stuck. But I like to talk about ideas. I cannot do the calculations to make those ideas reality. My box is too small and slow. It's hard to even talk to myself in my head. I talk in person or I type too people on the computer. I only think when talking to people. Or my box has something small enough to fit in it.


That is an awful lot of math for someone that is retarded. I think you just proved my point.

How is your living situation? Still problems with your sister and her boyfriend?

---
Spikosaur, of the Uncircumcised Umbrella, Prophet to The Collectors, OA, RMC

Hail Apostle Paul
Praise to Founder Bunny
Glory to the Objects
5/2/2018, 12:38 am Link to this post PM Spikosauropod
 
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I had no problems so far and the baby is 3 months old and they live with me along with my aunt but not the boyfriend.

and...

I still cannot make stuff come out of my head.
Creativity is about generating internally.
I understand the A.I. needs loops.
I don't know what to do to make the structure.
I stare at my notebook with a blank face.
It's an engineering project.
My mind is just empty.
I draw doodles.
mild sadness.

Last edited by Animecat, 5/2/2018, 1:18 am
5/2/2018, 1:16 am Link to this post PM Animecat Blog
 
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There are just some things my mind cannot create by itself.

it cannot fold back into itself in some way and create internally.

I remember the doctor asked me to draw a face and a house. I started with the fence corner and the nose. He said I focus on details.
5/2/2018, 1:23 am Link to this post PM Animecat Blog
 
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quote:

but not the boyfriend.



I am glad the boyfriend is out of the picture.

Your description of your thoughts reminds me of something I read about Herman Melville. You say you haven't had much luck writing software. Have you tried writing fiction?

---
Spikosaur, of the Uncircumcised Umbrella, Prophet to The Collectors, OA, RMC

Hail Apostle Paul
Praise to Founder Bunny
Glory to the Objects
5/2/2018, 1:56 am Link to this post PM Spikosauropod
 
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Spikosauropod: Have you tried writing fiction?

my book

][sign in to see URL]

I never liked writing because I never daydreamed. I do not generate internally that way.

I am just stuck and I cannot make progress until I talk to someone about my A.I. idea.

My brain does not calculate things by itself mostly.

My problem is that my thinker is broken.
People usually think in their heads.
So that is where I am stuck.

I don't want to write stories.
I just want my thinker unstuck.
5/2/2018, 2:44 am Link to this post PM Animecat Blog
 
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Ah [sign in to see URL] forgot about that. I saw if before but never remembered to order it. I just ordered it and should have it by the end of the week. I am glad that you published a hard copy. I like being able to hold books in my hand.

That was quite a while ago. Why don't you write another book? Maybe the process of writing will unstick your brain.

---
Spikosaur, of the Uncircumcised Umbrella, Prophet to The Collectors, OA, RMC

Hail Apostle Paul
Praise to Founder Bunny
Glory to the Objects
5/2/2018, 2:58 am Link to this post PM Spikosauropod
 


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